Some times I get to thinking that things I think need to happen aren’t happening fast enough. Or perhaps that I’m not doing enough to make them happen, or that I’m doing things that keep them from happening. And, perhaps, sometimes some of those things are true. But sometimes I think that it’s also that I think I have more control over people, situations and circumstances than I really do. Or that I want to have more control over them than I should. I suppose it could be a bit of arrogance. The flip side of that is sometimes it’s mired in uncertainty because I don’t know which direction to go or how to get from here to there.
A few days ago I started trying a new nail painting technique I saw on Facebook. A friend of mine had posted a video of different techniques for pretty designs that could be done at home. Of course he posted it a few months ago, but it stuck with me. So a few days ago I finally got around to trying it. I liked it. So a few days later when the polish had a chip, I decided to try it again with a couple of different colors. I chose a melon with a blue accent, then added a couple of drops of silver sparkley polish for good measure. It wound up being really pretty.
Yes, this is going somewhere.
Last month I ordered three really pretty polo shirts from The Zelman Partisans Queensboro store. Since the things are made to order, they take awhile to get here, so you never should count on them being in at a certain time, unless you placed your order way in advance. They came on Shabbat.
The Jewish Arts Festival was on Sunday. I wasn’t scheduled to work it, but I wanted to. I had a friend who had been asked to help at the Israeli Technology booth. I love Israel, and I love my technology. So a call had been placed with a plaintive request, “could you see if they would let me help in the booth?”. Call them and ask. No, I want you to call and ask. I was afraid they’d tell me no. I think I see a couple chicken feathers floating past my desk right now. To my great joy the answer was a resounding yes, and have her call me at once. I did and it was all set up.
You’ve probably guessed this part. The nails I had done a few days before perfectly matched the melon shirt and the embroidery of the design. The shirt I hadn’t seen yet and didn’t know it would be here.
Since I was a last minute addition to the roster, I just wore my own shirt rather than accepting the Jewish Arts festival volunteer shirt they were giving volunteers. They were thrilled, guess medium is a popular size.
Many, many people saw that Zelman Partisans logo that day as I spoke on my topics of ReWalk and Netafim’s Flexnet drip irrigation system.
It prompted some interesting comments, “Are those guns on your shirt???” “Why yes they are”. From there the discussion went to my extreme aversion to cattle cars and ghettos. The history of gun control laws, the Weimer Republic and living life as a free person. The people that point blank asked me about it seemed very interested in discussing it, and it was an excellent conversation all the way around. They actually already leaned that way, but they thought TZP was amazing. It is.
So here’s the thing. For some reason I decided to chose the soft melon orange over the brighter orange. I chose the blue accent rather than the green or pink or purple.
I don’t know that G-d is fixated on my nail polish color, but I do think he can urge us to do things if we are open to hearing him.
Little miracles and big ones, he gives them all to us. I want to be open to seeing the little miracles, matching nail polish and shirt for a very put together look at a public appearance. A beautiful sunset or sunrise. The very corral panels I wanted being on sale just when I’m working enough hours to buy them, and they are the only corral panels on sale. Passing my ACLS class when I really didn’t get to study as much as I wanted or needed to study. Little and big miracles, he gives them to us all. I do not want to throw the little miracles back in his face because they weren’t “big enough” to suit me, or impress me enough, or the “right” ones. The more aware I am of the little miracles, the more I realize how many of them there are. I want to be attuned to his voice, to his presence to his will.
And sometimes I just feel like I flounder. I know he loves me, I know he wants what’s best for me, and for me to be happy. I also know sometimes the path that I think will bring those things will not bring them. But he knows the path that will. Things happen, to make me a better person, for soul correction, to help me empathize with others. I’ve learned to appreciate the little bits of happiness when I have them. For me to fixate only on my problems, and worry will not necessarily change anything. But when I do that, to the exclusion of the little bits of happiness I was offered along the way I am being foolish. It does not cause the problems to sort themselves quicker, it does not shorten the time of trouble. It only prevents me from having some peace and happiness along the way that I was offered. Arrogance and lack of emuna (faith).
So, I’m going to take my new shirt, and perfectly matching nail polish and design coupled with a wonderful chance to talk about Israeli technology as a love note from G-d. Sybil, I know what you need, I know when you need it, and I put things into place and play before you even know they are important. You concentrate on doing the things I put in front of you today, and remember child, I love you. I’ve got this.